


Tried

by Rae_of_Sunshine



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Self-Doubt, i honestly apologize, sad yamaguchi, sorry first work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2015-12-03
Packaged: 2018-05-04 16:05:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5340128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rae_of_Sunshine/pseuds/Rae_of_Sunshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yamaguchi doubts himself and avoids telling Tsukishima his feelings for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tried

**Author's Note:**

> Im sorry, this is my first story about yamaguchi and tsukishima and yeah...ending is a bit 'whew~ that sucked' but I tried ._. haha...see what I did there...sorry.

Yamaguchi was your normal teen. A bundle of little nerves and jitteriness. Well, maybe not your _normal_ teen. If he was normal why was he watching Tsukishima out of the corner of his eyes undressing? He caught himself and his face warmed up as he tried to finish changing too, arms maybe a bit too robotic-like as he did. He shook it off and tried to ignore the stammering of his heart in his chest.

He caught himself again, this time during practice. He found that his eyes lingered a bit too long on Tsukishima's body when his shirt lifted _just_ a little as he came down from jumping. He looked away but cast a quick glance over at the way Tsukishima's golden hair was slightly ruffled or at how the bead of sweat that trailed down his gave him a kind of glow. Nope, definitely didn't realize _any_ of that. But truth be told, he did. he most certainly, absolutely did. And he was scared.

Yamaguchi was scared of the feeling he got when he was around Tsukishima, the little flutter of his heart and the butterflies in his stomach. He was scared of the way his face grew uncomfortably warm whenever he made any sort of contact with him what-so-ever. Even if he _thought_ about him for a moment too long, his face went a deep shade of crimson. He was most terrified though, of the thought of telling Tsukishima how he felt and being rejected. Frightened of not being able to be friends anymore, of just ruining their years of friendship in a single moment all because of this stupid feeling he got whenever he even thought of his name. That's why he never said anything. That's why he remained silent and followed just as before so that he didn't have to lose his best friend and he all alone. Because the thought of that gave him a feeling he hated more than all the others. The feeling that his heart shriveled up and died along with him.

 

\---

Yamaguchi said he would hold it in and he did. He acted just as he normally would. Backing up Tsukki's adorable snarky comments and giggling right along with Tsukki as he graced the world with one of his own angelic chuckles...Okay, at least he didn't show it. Well not too much he hoped. Yamaguchi _would_ jerk back whenever Tsukki touched him or they grazed shoulders, but only a bit...maybe. He would awkwardly laugh at the wrong times and he would cringe inwardly right after. But it's not like he could help it! he was trying his best. He honestly was but his best wasn't _always_ the _best_.

Yamaguchi looked up at himself in the bathroom mirror. He gazed at himself for a good, solid minute. He sighed.

He was pathetic. A coward, an idiot, a freak, and a hopeless nobody. He wasn't good at anything. No talents that he knew of, unless messing everything up if that counted. But he _did_ try. He always tried his best and that was the most upsetting part. He just couldn't do it. He tried and tried but in the end it would just be another failure. So with another last look in the mirror, he dried his hands and went to class to eat with Tsukishima. He knew he would mess up if h tried, so why even try at all?

 

\---

It was useless. It was getting worse by the day. And if it couldn't be anymore of a travesty, Tsukishima had confronted him.

It was after practice a few days ago while they were walking home together. Of course Yamaguchi freaked out and his shoulders stiffened a bit but he still tried played if off like he was nervous about the exams that were coming up. Tsukishima looked him for a second (Yamaguchi's mind screaming at him all the while) and looked away, telling him he should've just studied more. Yamaguchi gave a high-pitched "Sorry Tsukki~" and avoided all eye contact, or contact in general, the rest of the walk.

Because he knew Tsukki knew. How could Tsukki not know?! He would have to be an idiot to not notice that Yamaguchi was acting  _a lot_ more jumpy and awkward than usual. But Tsukki's smart of course. Very smart actually. Especially when it came to dinosaurs. O' how Yamaguchi loved it when Tsukki's eyes would light up whenever he talked about dinosaurs. It was the cutest honestly. And when he got on the subject of tyrannosaurus' and he-

Yamaguchi forcefully stopped that train of thought and tried to get rid of this ridiculous smile on his face.

 

\---

Yamaguchi thought he was getting a little better. Maybe a bit? But he still had to try harder. It made him hurt though, made his stomach hurt some honestly.

Notice how the words 'try' and 'tried' kept coming up in his thoughts. That was the best he cold do. Was try and be better. He couldn't actually succeed. All he could do was try and fail and fail again and again and again. He would think 'I did the best I could' and try to suck it up and move on but sometimes there were moments like this. Moments where he would lay on his bed and try his best to stifle his horrid sobs as they clawed at his raw, retched throat. He would just break down in tears and hate himself for not being good enough, for being a miserable failure. He would just let it out. The anguish piling up till it overflowed and became the tears running rapidly down his puffy, freckled cheeks to the point he would cry himself to sleep.

Then he would try again tomorrow.

 

\---

 

He started avoiding Tsukishima. Yamaguchi just couldn't take it anymore. The pain he felt when Tsukki was around and the pain he felt when he wasn't was too much for him. What was one failure waiting to happen with all the others already? He'd much rather run away than end up facing upfront. That's why he would lock himself in a bathroom or dive behind a group of people when he walking down the hall and spotted golden hair.'Maybe he could get rid of this feeling?' he though. But if anything, it grew and the more his stomach hurt.

Whenever they were at practice, the most stressful time for Yamaguchi since he couldn't just skip practice and Tsukki being there was inevitable, he was thinking about what he'd do during practice but all of that just grew wings and flew out window when he entered the club room to change.

He nervously greeted everyone by saying a short "Hi" and went over by Tsukki to change. He mustered up all of his courage and out came a shaky, and a bit forced, "Hi Tsukki~" which Tsukishima quickly looked over at him (maybe a bit shocked?) and otherwise ignoring it like he normally would. Got that out of the way, next was the walk home.

 

\---

Yamaguchi avoided the walk wit the excuse that he had to get something from the convenience store for dinner since his parents would be home late. That worked today but he would have to come up with lots of others if he was going to do this from now on.

 

\---

Yamaguchi just felt _bad_. He went to school anyway though because he could still move and all, it just hurt. But he didn't want to fail school too.

While in the club room changing, the pain became repetitive and it wouldn't go away,  every step he took just making it worse. Yamaguchi didn't want to anymore to worry about him though so he just tried to ignore it.

 

\---

He woke up in a whole different room then the gym or the club room and he didn't remember anything after they started practice. He tried sitting up. Bad idea. His head felt throbbed in pain and put one his forehead, squeezed his eyes shut.

When the pain in his head eased a little he opened his eyes and he gave an immediate, quick yelp.

Tsukishima was sitting in a chair next to the bed he sitting on, his mind finally putting together that he was the nurses office. Tsukishima was sleeping in the chair but Yamaguchi's yelp had woken him up. So now here they were, just looking at each other before Yamaguchi clutched his stomach and cringed from a sudden jolt of pain. Tsukishima got up from his seat and walked over to help but Yamaguchi held his hand up to signal for him to stop and tried giving him a smile.

“What happened?” Yamaguchi asked meekly.

“You suddenly collapsed right when we started practice and I took you here. The nurse the said you were over-stressed and sleep deprived.” Tsukishima explained, looking down.

“Oh…Sorry Tsukki.”

“…Why?” Tsukishima asked quietly. Yamaguchi looked up. “Why were you so stressed? Hell, why were you _sleep deprived_? Don’t give me an excuse like you were up late studying cause it didn’t work the first time. What _happened_? Why were you avoiding me?”

Yamaguchi was taken aback by Tsukki’s sudden anger and barrage of questions since he usually so calm and laid-back. “I’m sorry Tsukki. I’m sorry.” he whispered.

“Why do you keep apologizing?”

“I’m sorry…” He felt a drop on his hand and bit the inside of his cheek. “I’m sorry Tsukki.”

Yamaguchi felt arms around him and wanted to push away but he couldn’t. He just sat there. Tsukishima didn’t say anything, just kept his arms around him while he kept apologizing.

“Tsukki don’t leave me. Please. Tsukki~” Yamaguchi sobbed.

“Tsukishima chuckled a little. “Why would I leave you?”

“Because…” Yamaguchi swallowed hard. “I-I love you Tsukki. I knew I couldn’t do anything about it and I’m sorry I avoided you I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry.” He cried harder now, trying to catch his breath in the process as his headache was coming back. He did it and now he waited. Waited for it to all crumble down around him as Tsukishima released his hold on him and moved back.

He couldn’t look up. He knew he wasn’t prepared for the disgusted look Tsukki was going to give him.

Tsukishima got up from the bed and Yamaguchi felt his lip quiver more from the action. He was losing his best friend. All because he was a stupid, unimportant, useless-

He felt something soft but rough squeeze his nose. “Blow.” And so he blew and caught his shaky breath as he held another tissue to his eyes. He squeezed them shut and felt as though more would escape when he paused his actions at the soft press of lips on his forehead.

And tears escaped from his eyes. But this time from the warmth spreading through his chest as he realized all of his trying finally, for once, paid off.


End file.
